TurnAround

So, this day was pretty shitty, right? I was flipping the fuck out, but...she made up for it. And I believe what she says. I just hope I don't get my hopes up for nothing because I want this, and I want it to be perfect this time - the way it was meant to be from the beginning. We're both getting older, getting wiser, working through issues that held us back before. I'm not the same person I was..She's not the same person she was. We've both changed, but I really feel that we belong together. I've never been able to forget about my babygirl. It was always just the distance, and my letting someone else who was closer get in the way even though she was so much better for me. I won't let that happen again. She means far too much to me, and I see that now - even other people see it. When I talk about it her...they tell they can just tell she means a lot to me. I love talking with her, even tonight..when we were sort of fighting on the phone, I couldn't even stay mad..I just wanted to make up and get it over with. I just want to be happy with her finally. I want what I always wanted with her. What we had in the beginning. I hope everything works out for once, we both deserve it - deserve this. Each other. She's the most beautiful girl, I could never deny that to anyone. I may have talked shit when I was upset, but who doesn't? How I truly feel for her..Well, I could never really explain it fully. It's too much to fathom. I care for her deeply. I want to learn again what it feels like to kiss her, hold her, fall asleep with and wake up to her again. I don't want to turn my back to her when we're falling asleep. I want to be the one right up behind her, curling my arm around her waist and kissing the back of her neck through that gorgeous head of silken hair. Whispering goodnight..I'll see you in the morning though it's painful to sleep, not wanting to miss a moment. She deserves it...she always has - and I still cry, thinking back on how much I hurt her. How good she treated me - a goodness I took for granted. I want her to see the new me, the changed me, the wiser me that couldn't possibly ever hurt her like that again. I'm not emotionally detached anymore..I'll cry of happiness when she arrives, and damn near break down when she has to leave. I'll make her time with me worth it...because I'm honestly in love with her. I want my babygirl back - I want her sweet words, her attention, I want her to need me all the time, want me all the time. And I want to give the very same thing back. No more one sided. No more broken hearts...only healing, only pureness of love, caring, compassion, loyalty..I can't beginning to explain how sorry I am for the past - but it can't be changed. A chance for the future, though, can make up for it all. As badly as I treated her in my rough times..No one could ever love her like I do - no one could cry over her as much as I do - no one wants her as much I do. And I'll be waiting. As much as I say I want to give up, I'll be waiting. We can do this. I know we can..and she knows we can. She wants this so badly - I can hear it in her voice..and I hope she can let go of the then..and trust in me again. I don't want her to be scared of me..All I want to do is love her. And we can do this. I'm ready..and deep down inside she is, too.


I love you, Kristina Megan Placco.