Easter

I went to a party the other night..Well, it wasn't really like I planned out going to it. It was more like me and Sara were already going to be at Joey's and they were going to be celebrating Jayke's birthday. It was pretty funny - Joey is so fuckin' funny when he's drunk. I smoked. -shrug- Kill me. It's Spring Break, I can't do nothing. I'm gunna let loose and have fun.

Danny texted me saying she made a mistake? Wtf? Really..No. She fucked me over to go back and fuck around with Heather so she can go and be with Heather. She doesn't like the way I am anyhow so I don't know why the Hell she's trying to get back on my dick. Oh well. She should have fucking made sure her mind was made up BEFORE she started talking to me.

Kristina..Well, we had a long talk - for a little over an hour or something like that. I don't understand her..still. She only talks to me when I flip the fuck out and say that I'm done with the games. And she agrees with me that she does that, too. It's sad. I don't know why I'm putting myself through it, quite honestly. She makes all these promises while we're on the phone that she's going to talk to me more and that she wants to but she just doesn't pay attention to her phone and blahblahblah. Well, if she really wanted to talk to me that badly - she would make it a habit to check her phone. It's bullshit. We had a really deep moment the other night when I wrote the previous blog about her after the really bitchy one. She was asking me to marry her, she would write it down on a paper and hold it up and I would answer in the chat. Y'know..I really felt like we were getting the old us back. And then all of a sudden she starts bawling and it's right back to the 'I love you...but I love Mike. I don't know what to do. Trust me give me time blahblahh.' and then she feels sick and gets off and it's right back to pretty much not talking. I fucking hate it. Fucking random moments of this deep amazing love and then I'm shit to her again. I've been trying. She ignores all the sweet shit I say all the time. But if I bitch her the fuck out all of a sudden she can talk to me. I don't know what to do. If my mom gets us back on the 20th, i probably won't fucking bring her here. Because if this is the way things are going to be, I'm not really down with it. At all. i'm not going to be ignored and shit and then all of a sudden when I'm home you remember that I exist just because we can see each other. Fuck that. Don't you fucking think about me Kristina? Don't you want to talk to me? Don't you want to send me a little sweet messages? Don't you want to call me just to hear my voice for a few minutes? Your fucking actions say that you don't. You hang up on me when I call, you never answer my texts.... We're going nowhere.

I'm probably going to be moving in with Sara if my mom doesn't get us back - only for a few months. I already do chores and shit there..it won't be a big deal. I love Sara. :] She my homieee. lol. It'll be fine living with her, I think. We don't really fight hardly at all. We have nothing to fight about. -shrug- So yeah.

It's funny..these paragraphs. None of them are long except for the one about Kristina..She really doesn't see how much she means to me. she always seems to be the biggest thing on my mind despite whatever else is going on. It sucks. I cry every day about her... 3/31/09 Forever? Yeah....right..