Thinking

I'm laying in bed...I can't really help but wonder where my life is going. I've changed a lot..and very rapidly as well..I've stopped using drugs - I like being sober. I've focused in more on school - I don't want to fail..I don't want to be a failure. I've been paying attention more to myself than others - I can't love anyone if I can't love myself..I can't take care of anyone else if I can't take care of myself. Wonderwall..Dear God - those songs make me cry..And I'm not sure if they're happy or sad..my tears I mean. Kristina..What's up with her? She's too busy, far too busy. "Doesn't live by her phone." Jealousy..why does she get to be jealous? Why am I holding back for her? I'm stupid.. But I love her. Becca --- why do I talk to her? I can't hate anyone..but why? Mom -- I get my passiveness from her. She was always too passive. I have a slight headache. Two English papers. I'll probably have to rewrite one of them. :/ Gah, It comes so easily without the MLA format. My paper was on drugs..I shared a lot of myself - should I have done that? Should I have emailed it? Sighh..the work never ends. I'm still failing English and Math..I've been working so hard. Will I get those new clothes? This job..it's not permanent, just spring break. Will DYFS let me go to Florida in the summer with Sara? To the beach in August? Please yes.. Cassandra..Could I get her to take me to New York? I really want to see her..Kristina..I want to feel her lips again..I'm stupid..so stupid..but I can't deny it to myself. I'm going crazy.. Why do I let myself open up to her? causeyouloveher. Why does she feed in a little and then stop? Does she want to tear me apart? youtoreherapart. That's the past! I want to move on from the past..I just want to see her. I know everything will be okay if I see her..Will it? I'm crying..Goodnight.